i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
