who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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