Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
