on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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