there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
