I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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