Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
