hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
