Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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