Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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