Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
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I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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