I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize