what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
NoShamevember. You game?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
