There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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