First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
