Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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