Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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