I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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