It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
