DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
