We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize