thus making me awesome and them whores
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
