I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
