I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize