I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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