i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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