when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
