I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
