I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
