Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
