My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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