Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
