Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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