Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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