end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
