he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
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