Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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