those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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