I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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