true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
