Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
