Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
