She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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