you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize