one two three fourrrrnication!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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