my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
