I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
