yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think your dad took our porno
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
