The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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