Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
