dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Best friends brother. Beat that.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
