Nicole vs. Life
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
