and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
