I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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