Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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