so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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