Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
