her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
