If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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