I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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