Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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