After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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