just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
