and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
